Lost Secret For Passion

Every night, I play instrumental music for my unborn baby to listen running all night long. Earlier today, I woke up with Tears by Yuri Hiranuma playing. It made me reminisce something. Something very important to me when I was younger.

I started drawing since I was 9 years old. Through the years by then when Anime took over my sanity, I started doodling and doodling. I had one goal, to make my own series of comic books with my very own works and story line. I barely know anything, nobody that I know shares the same passion as me before. All of my techniques were self-taught. For me, to learn a new style is by studying another inspiration artwork detail per detail. So then I gained my skills by my own hard work, no help by professionals. Nothing at all. I'm not saying that I'm so good that nobody taught me how to draw. All I'm saying is that I was illiterate about this kind of stuff. I didn't know the right strokes or techniques to make life easier. (well, even until now. LOL)
I gathered all of my works from the start in a clear file, then it adds numbers everyday. My classmates seemed to love my simple works, my passion that they borrow that piece of folder then send it to another for the others to see. I didn't mind. It gives me so much inspiration to make some more UNTIL...

THEY LOST IT!

Yes fellas. They lost my very own portfolio. I searched with my entire soul just to find it. I even spent 2 classes looking for it around the busy campus. I was so down hearted. For me that was my life. It's so easy to say that "well, we can make another one." no its not. It's not the same seeing your stuff from start to finish than seeing nothing at all. That was my whole life.

I was so weak that I became depressed that I couldn't even make a single pencil stoke. I stopped drawing for a while to pick myself up, then I found myself engaging into music, bands, song writing and stuff. From then on, I find it hard to draw again. I feel like I'm no good anymore. Until years pass by, kids are way soo much better now. They finally made their own comic series, they draw better digitally now. People the same age as me are monstrous. They draw like professionals. Those kinds of people I used to bow down to when I was younger.

Now where am I? I'm so far behind because I was weak hearted.

Every time I start drawing again, I feel like I'm the worst artist in the world. I even forgot how I used to draw before. I lost my techniques.

Now, waking up this morning, hearing the song made me realize something. I lost my inspiration and goal for my passion. It made me remember how strong I was with my goal. That's what I've been missing. I seemed to forget how I used to internalize every single artwork I'm making.

Upon realizing this, it gave me a fresh ignite to start all over again. I can say that I can still draw, not as good though. But I'll still continue the dream. I'll soon have my own comic series. Something I'll share with my kids when  they're grown enough to recognize art.

Lesson learned? "KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR GOAL" Skills become dull when not in use. It takes so much effort and time to sharpen it again. It might cut you, but after all, you can still use your hands even if you're wounded, and most of all, it HEALS. :)